2nd Nephi Chapter 6

-

Chapter 6

From here on out I’m going to be a bit more brief with nonessential plot chapters. Unless I find something I deem Interesting or funny to say. In that case I reserve the right to wax on however much I see fit. 


But not Isaiah. We’re going to pretend like Isaiah is here as little as possible. There’s a Mormon urban myth about a soldier who survives a bullet when the it fails to pierce through his pocket Book of Mormon. 


He opens it to where the bullet stopped and its 2nd Nephi chapter 19. He goes huh not even a bullet can make it through Isaiah. 


Yup and I’m not willing to either. Go read the Bible if you really really want to be bored. 


Jacob says I know you are sick of listening to Nephi so you get to listen to me. Yay. He’s so great and whatever I guess I don’t know I’m as sick of him as you all are. 


So uh like him I’m gonna go read to you all Isaiah. Say yay. It’s going to be invigorating or something I guess I don’t know Nephi why did you sign me up for this?


The Jews in Jerusalem have been taken captive but they will return and the messiah will come and they will kill him wait didn’t we already tell them these things like 5 times Nephi? *sigh*


The messiah will come again and kill the wicked and you too if you aren’t righteous oh no but you’ll be ok if you follow him yay. Thus saith the lord, please let me go home. 

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

2nd Nephi Chapter 18

-
  Chapter 18 Isaiah’s son signals the Assyrian invasion of Judah. Christ however will debuff the enemies and help Israel! Fear the lord let him be your dread is a hell of a thing to tell believers about 
Read more

2nd Nephi Chapter 9

-
  Chapter 9 Jacob prophesies that the Jews will return to Israel and Jesus will come to Jerusalem. Joseph you’ve said this over and over what is the point dude.  The atonement is necessary else god would have to banish us for wickedness. So let’s get this straight he has to save us from the sins he knows we were going to commit but he just lets us do them anyway? Couldn’t we just be taught to not be bad? Yet again another discrepancy with the trinity. It says the holy one of Israel will judge who is Jesus but current teachings say Jesus will be our advocate not the judge while the father judges. Little trinity artifacts everywhere  The righteous will be saved the wicked won’t.  Then some absolutely wild verses. The deaf will be punished if they don’t hear and the blind if they don’t see. Excuse me what goes uncircumcised of heart mean? That’s very not what you do with a heart dude! Just use the beattitudes please! Those who die in their sins will be forced to face th...
Read more

1st Nephi Chapter 2

-
Chapter 2 Lehi gathers his family and they flee into the wilderness because nobody cares to Stone you if you run far enough or maybe they just can’t throw that far. Who knows. Need some Nephi arms  Laman and Lemuel are like we were rich and you want us to live in the fucking wilderness? Dude wtf Nephi is like I’m young but I’m buff as hell as spiritual and gifted and I’m sure bragging about this won’t make my brothers hate me If it’s not clear Nephi is Joseph Smith’s stand-in While the church likes to represent him as a buff 20 something given the time period Nephi is probably like 14-16 considering none of his siblings are married. Maybe younger. It’ll make Nephi make a lot more sense. 
Read more