1st Nephi Chapter 22

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 Chapter 22


Nephis brethren who are famous for rebelling suddenly actually listen and engage with his snooze fest of an Isaiah reading 


Nephi explains the gathering of Israel will literally happen and save the Jews 


He says a great nation will be made amoung the gentiles. Hey look you’re supposed to infer it’s America! Even though great nation is hilariously arbitrary. 


Be specific Joseph. “They make a great work amoung our seed” doesn’t narrow it down though clearly Joseph means this to mean the creation of the Mormon church. 


Jesus also believes in the right of bare arms. Dually noted 


The whore of all the earth, the great and abominable church, sashays in again to do endless war and get drunk on blood. Yay! 


No other good people can exist out of gods church. No way you can be moral if you don’t have religion either. This us/them dichotomy will surely not harm future proselytizing efforts for sure!


Israel gets plot armor and God says hey I released the Satan where he get a buff before being destroyed. Why does Satan have to be released? Nobody knows. And if God can stop Satan for the millennium why doesn’t he stop him all the time? None of this makes any sense. 


Judgment will come where Jesus will judge. 


Uh mr joseph it’s God is supposed to judge? Jesus and god aren’t the same in contemporary Mormonism. Jesus is a full fledged other person that is supposed to argue on your behalf to the Father but not supposed to be the judge himself. 


Artifact of when Joseph smith supported the Nicene Creed *sigh*


The trinity was too confusing so the Book of Mormon was changed to accommodate the simple minds of Palmyrian farmers. Brilliant!


Then he says the classic the second coming is coming soon so don’t sin! Several times. Okay okay we get it Joseph. Why Nephi would say this is soon when he says Christ will be born in 600 years is anyone’s fucking guess. And the. 2000 years after he’s still not there? This doesn’t make any sense!


Nephi says churches will come that. You. Will. Be. Popular! And seek after lusts of the flesh. Joseph so uh about those child brides my friend…..and like the general authorities acting like celebrities. Sounds sus. 


“All of these things must come according to the flesh” is such a bizarre sentence especially out of context. Honestly makes sense only as a sexual reference. 


Nephi says if you my brethren are righteous you’ll be saved (but I already know you’re not going to so this is me being kind of a dick.)


This ends 1st Nephi!

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