1st Nephi Chapter 15

On to chapter 15 and back to the plot-ish!

It’s been awhile you might have forgotten that all of this was because of Lehi having a dream and people being confused. 

So naturally we return to the people still being confused instead of you know writing off this man who randomly claims to see things

Nephi who had no fucking idea what the dream meant is now casually dunking on his family and friends for no knowing what the dream meant. 

What a guy

Nephi gets pouty and is like you all are hating my dad because what he said but I had to watch all my magically white Jewish descendants die. My pain is clearly the worst of all

He scolds them for not asking God. 

He then out of the blue says they will die for not listening to God. 

Which considering Nephi is a murdering kidnapper, sounds like a super scary threat

Nephi then tells them about the gathering of Israel and they are like wow he knows stuff and shit so they listen. 

Then he tells them about the tree and then says and it is so Amen again for whatever reason

His story notes that works is needed to get to heaven eg the faith without works is dead, if you die wicked you stay wicked (actually not inline with Mormon teachings) and only being perfectly clean means you get to heaven. 

That last part won’t torment people at all 😬

Forgot to add earlier, because they are chased out of Jerusalem they don’t light fires. 

So no cooked meat. 

God’s solution? Just eat the raw meat it’s fine bro 

Laman and Lemuel complain about everything but THIS is fine?!?

“No guys just believe me God said it’s ok to eat raw meat you won’t get sick and it will taste like it’s cooked.”

Oh sure we disbelieve your every time but this time nah we are totally cool no murmuring. I get being hungry but hungry enough to just eat raw bloody meat? Idk man 

It’ll be later said the Lananities are savages for eating raw meat so this dichotomy when the good guys do it is fine

It is honestly hilarious how many times Nephi complains that his siblings are complaining. 

“Mom Lemuel wont listen to what I said about the dream”

“Mom Nephi won’t shut up about the tree dream!”

“Mooooooooo-“

It’s wild to think about these people in actuality. 

Lehi is probably a rich merchant with sons who barely left the city. Maybe this is why Nephi states he is so strong and broad since the rest look like they’ve never done manual labor. 

We are led to believe these people even knew how to set up a tent by themselves? Press X to doubt. That’s what servants are for. 

Nephi is like the guy who won’t shut up about the gym despite having literally nothing better to do. 

A buff prayer dude. 

Save some bitches for the rest of us man

Personally I think this version makes Laman and Lemuels whining way more pathetic but it’s also way more realistic. 

No dad I’m not hiking to go live in Heber no not even for the train restaurant

I’m getting real know it all Sunday school boy mixed with gay diva for Nephi

“OMG are you serious? You seriously did not even pray to god? What is wroooooong with you!?” *faints*

We also didn’t talk about. People know Lehi well enough he had to leave but not his family well enough transporting countless riches across the city to another rich guy?

Idk maybe hold Nephi for ransom and kill Lehi which was the plan right? Or did they just need him to shut up. I mean I think we can all appreciate when holier than thous have overstayed their welcome 

They hunt him through the wilderness but do they give up like GTA police if they don’t find you in time? 

Nobody followed these bastards even once? And they went back 2 times?!?

Back to Chapter 15. Nephi reiterates that there is either heaven or hell. Just the two. Which gets real weird when Mormons believe in 3 heavens and 1 hell. Modern Mormon teachings teach hell is a place and a mental state and nobody actually goes to hell except a select few. 

Which uh kind of doesn’t fit with the Bible but who ever let the good book stop us from telling a good story right?

And only those who go to heaven get the fruit of the tree of life. See that? Only heaven lets you be fruityy!