1st Nephi Chapter 7

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 Chapter 7


Lehi wakes up the next morning and goes Oh fuck I...I kinda forgot something. Incest is bad. Go convince this random family to come with us so you can breed.


Nobody rebels this time. They triumphantly sing:


I will go I will do the babes the lord commands! I know the lord will provide a way he wants me to get laid!


They go to this family friend and are like hey do you want to go live in the middle of the fucking wilderness? This dude Ishmael for whatever reason is like sure why the fuck not. 


Totally rational resume to being told to leave everything behind you’ve ever known.


Then Laman and Lemuel are like haha our surprise attack commences convince our father to go back home your buffoon why are we hanging out in BFE instead of drinking Pina coladas


They get mad and tie up Nephi.


This will definitely never happen again


Then Nephi breaks out of his ropes like Superman and the angry half of the squad is like, fuck it! Let’s kill him!


But then Ishmael’s wife and a daughter who totally doesn’t want to fuck Nephi beg them to not to. 


And for some reason that works? Brilliant


Then the evil angry half is like what have we done? Forgive us Nephi!


And Nephi is like this is like only the second time you’ve tried to kill me, just don’t do it a third time ok?


And then everyone is chill. 


This sure seems....reasonable 🤦🏼‍♀️

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